For Paula, Drunk and Alone

or Paula, drunk and alone, and without her handbag on the night before Thanksgiving Day, the extended weekend boded extended misery. She didn't even have a quarter to call home. The bartender came over and asked her if she wanted another Sea Breeze.

"Yes and do you have a telephone I could use?" The bartender pointed to the pay phone by the rest rooms. "Don't you have a phone I can use here at the bar? It's a local call." The bartender took the measure of her. She felt confident dressed in Ann Taylor jacket, a lace inset blouse of silk, the perfect nine-millimeter pearls that orbited her neck in single file, these were proof that she was good for the money.

"I'm sorry lady, but you know how it is?" She didn't know. It was her first time in the Royale Bar.

"Well, then, can you lend me a quarter?" The bartender's head cocked back and he considered her. She had made him suspicious.

"Yeah, if you give me a dollar, I'll give you change."

"That would be a little bit difficult. You see, I left my purse at home. That's why I have to make a call."

"Excuse me lady, but are you saying you don't have the money to pay your tab?"

"I assure you it won't be a problem."

A young man in business suit, separated from Paula by four empty stools, spoke out, "for God sake, Marty, give her the quarter." The bartender was visibly embarrassed.

"Look," he said, "I just work here. I didn't mean - " but he didn't know how to finish the sentence. He took a quarter from his trouser pocket and placed it on the bar. "I'm sorry ma'am, it's just that if the register isn't right at the end of the night, then the money will come out of my own pocket."

"Thank you," Paula said, lifting the quarter with her manicured fingernails. She spun the stool around and went to the phone. She heard the conversation at the bar behind her.

"Are you gonna cover her tab if she doesn't cough up the money? She's had three Sea Breezes."

"Don't worry, Marty," said the stranger, "I'll take care of it if she can't."

Calling home was to no avail. The line was busy, even with Call Waiting, which meant her youngest daughter was juggling both lines. She called her older daughter, who had her own phone, but was connected with her daughter's answering machine. She heard the pay phone swallow the quarter, not to be retrieved. She returned to the bar where her fourth Sea Breeze was awaiting her.

Her thoughts were awash in vodka and it eased the worry. She became hypnotized with her own handsome face in the mirror behind the bar. It was calm and expressionless. She didn't deem to look at the stranger in the business suit, who had now moved to the adjacent stool at her left. The man talked to her in low tones and she made gracious acknowledgments, automatically. She tapped her wedding band against the polished black counter. The stranger ignored it. He had bought her the Sea Breeze she was now drinking.

The bar began filling with customers following the dinner hour. Paula rested her elbows on the bar and rested her face in her hands. "Can I take you home?" asked the stranger.

"I can't go home like this," she mumbled through her palms. "I've got to pull myself together, first."

"Can I give you a lift somewhere else?"

"No, no, I've got my car."

"You can't drive in your condition."

Paula tossed her head back and took a deep breath.

"Mrs. Sutton?" It was a woman's voice from her right. Paula slowly swiveled her head right. A woman standing between the stools was smiling at her and she thought the face vaguely familiar, but it was like looking up from the bottom of a pool. Then she realized it was a neighbor, the nurse.

"Oh yes, hello." She couldn't remember her neighbor's name.

"Peggy - Peggy Kelly," the woman declared.

"Of course, of course, I know who you are, Peggy. I didn't forget your name." Paula never liked her neighbor. The woman was fat.

"Mrs. Sutton, you aren't looking too good. Is everything all right?"

Paula worked hard to keep Peggy in focus. The woman was built like a church bell, her tight blue jeans looked like they were about to explode. She had never cared for Peggy. She knew Peggy's husband, a man who owned a small roofing company, had left her, but that was no excuse for not at least trying to keep up the outside appearance of her house. Peggy waited too long to have her lawn cut and Peggy's young children were always leaving their toys strewn about the neighborhood. There was also the lopsided shutter on the upstairs window that Peggy was never having fixed. Still, here was Peggy, a woman Paula never said more than hello and good-bye to, in a position to help. It was painfully awkward, but Paula needed her. She could hardly let the strange man behind her take her home.

"So, Peggy, you know this lovely lady," came the stranger's voice behind her. "Why don't you introduce us?"

"I'm sorry, Mrs. - Ms Sutton, this is none of my business. I was just surprised to see you here." And Peggy would have gone about her own business if not for the dreadful grimace on Paula's face.

Paula was fearful this chance of rescue would slip past. "Please, Peggy, call me Paula." She was able to get the words out.

"Okay then, Paula; is everything all right?"

"Oh everything is just fine, but I would like to talk to you a moment, privately." She rose from her stool and cocked her head in the direction of the tables. It was enough to throw her off balance, but Peggy caught her arm. The two women then moved to the nearest empty table, ignoring the mumbling man they left behind at the bar. Peggy guided Paula into her seat, leaning close and speaking low.

"Was Horatio bothering you, honey?"

"Horatio?"

"Yeah, the guy at the bar."

"Oh, no, no, no. He's been fine. I owe him money." She steadied herself, latching on to Peggy's eyes. "Peggy, I left my purse at home. Can you just lend me the money to pay my bill?, then I'll just take myself home."

"No way, Paula. Can't let you drive in your condition, Honey."

"I'm fine, just fine. I'll be all right."

"Someone will get hurt. You sit here and I'll call your husband."

"He's not home."

"Oh?" She offered Paula a conspirator's smile.

"He's staying with his mother tonight."

"Oh?" Peggy lifted her eyebrows in wonder.

"It's nothing like that. I see what you're thinking," said Paula. "Emma - that's Mrs. Sutton - his mother - she lives way out in Ohio. We're having a big to-do tomorrow, you know, Thanksgiving, and Charlie went to pick her up. It's too far to drive both ways. Charlie will stay the night there."

"I see," replied Peggy. "Well, what about your oldest daughter? She's old enough to drive."

"Julia is out on a date."

"I see, I see," said Peggy. She looked around the bar for alternatives. "Well, I can call you a cab."

"No, don't to that." She waited for Peggy's eyes to return to hers. "Couldn't you just give me a lift."

She saw Peggy's mouth form the word 'shit'.

"Oh, Peggy, I'm sorry. I'm spoiling your evening, aren't I?"

Peggy gave a glance around at the occupants of the bar and then studied her neighbor's face. She shrugged her shoulders and gave a sigh of resignation. "Come on, Mrs. Sutton -"

"Paula."

"- Paula, I'll drive you home."

Peggy went to the bar to pay Paula's tab. Once again the stranger intervened, brushing aside Peggy's hand that held the cash. "I've got it covered, Marty." He smiled at Peggy. "You know, I can still take her home."

"That's okay, Horatio."

"Horace, it's Horace, and you know that!"

"Nice to have met you, Horace, but I do have to go," said Paula, who came over to the bar to collect her coat from the back of her stool.

Peggy dropped the cash on the bar and told Marty to keep the change.

"Thanks anyway, Horatio," Peggy replied.

"I'll give you the money as soon as we get home," Paula told her.

"We'll worry about it later," Peggy replied. And as they made their way out the double doors, Peggy called back, "Marty, if Leon comes in later, tell him I'll catch up with him tomorrow night."

Paula stopped. "No, this won't do. Am I keeping you from a gentleman friend?"

"Don't worry about it, Honey," and she gave Paula a gentle shove that started them back into motion. "He can keep 'til he ripens." Paula wondered to herself that such a heavy woman could command male friends.

Peggy's car was a late model Toyota Tercel coupe. Together they regarded the interior. The front passenger seat was occupied with a child's seat. The back seats were filled to a level half way up the window with dirty laundry.

"Doesn't your house have a washing machine?" inquired Paula.

"Little Jamie broke it."

"Your son?"

"Yes, and I can't afford to get it repaired." Peggy looked from her car to the elegantly dressed Paula. "The trunks full, but I can just throw the child seat on top of the stuff in the back, but it does smell a little mildewy in there.

"Well then, let's use my car. It's not far away."

"You're car? You wouldn't happen to be driving that wicked blue Mercedes convertible I keep seeing you tool around in."

"That's the one," Paula replied, beaming a proud smile.

"You'd let me drive it?"

"I have to get home, don't I?"

Peggy drove carefully, not wanting anything to happen to Paula's expensive car. She was not accustomed to its solid cast-iron feel. She was not used to the fat steering wheel, or how heavy it felt to turn. This late into the season, the car already had its hard top fixed into place. Paula leaned her seat back and closed her eyes.

They were almost home. "What were you doing there, tonight?" asked Peggy. "I've never seen you there before."

"You go there regularly?"

"Yeah. So you weren't trying to pick up a one night stand while old Charlie's out of town."

"I'm a happily married woman," she replied indifferently.

"I thought so. So you can understand my surprise and all." Paula didn't respond, but sat quietly, her face aimed towards the window. "Look, Paula honey, do you want to come to my house first for some coffee? Maybe we can fix you up a bit before you go home."

"Oh God, Peggy, I think yes. Yes. I could use some coffee. Would you mind? I know I've spoilt your evening."

"That you certainly have," and Peggy gave a little snort of laughter. "I get very few days like this, Honey. You know? It's rare that I even get the holidays off. But this weekend I'm off four days and the brats are staying with their father. I was hoping to get lucky."

"I've really spoilt it for you, then, haven't I?" Paula replied as they pulled into Peggy's driveway.

"Nah! It's okay. It's a long weekend."

In Paula's kitchen the Braun coffee machine sat next to a Krups cappuccino machine. Both were graceful, black, European designs, and always shiny clean and at the ready. Peggy possessed an old, white Mr. Coffee with smudge marks. Peggy had to first empty the pot of its dark remains and rinse it clean. Her coffee came out of a can kept in the refrigerator, unlike Paula who kept whole beans in small bags and could offer her guests a variety of flavors, even decaf.

Paula called home, only four houses away, and reached her youngest daughter.

"Jessica, this is Mommy, I just wanted you to know I'm visiting with a neighbor. What? Okay." She looked up at Peggy. "She put me on hold." Her nails tapped the kitchen's round Formica table in time with the music on the radio. Peggy had it tuned to the classical music station.

"I've heard that piece before," remarked Paula.

"Probably on guitar," replied Peggy. "It's Andaluza. Enrique Granados wrote it for piano."

"My, I didn't realize you -

"Well, you certainly had me on hold a long time," she now directed to the telephone.

"Why don't you just call her back, I want to talk to you now.

"Now you listen here, young lady -

"Don't take that tone with me!

"Look here, I couldn't even reach you earlier because you -

"Don't cut me off! Just listen and then you can get back to your other phone call. I just wanted you to know I'm all right and that I might be home a little late.

"None of your business.

"That's right. So, is your sister home, yet?

"Okay.

"Your sister is older than you. When you are her age you'll be allowed - Don't cut me off like that, young lady.

"If you say another word, I'll extend your grounding, and you don't want to be grounded over the holiday weekend, do you?

"No, you can't go out tomorrow night, it's Thanksgiving.

"Because it's Thanksgiving! The whole family will be there.

"I don't care what Dory's parents let her do.

"Look, Jessica, that's enough. Enough already. Look, I'm in Mrs. Kelly's kitchen -. Yes, that's right, Mrs. Kelly. Anyway, I don't want to tie up her phone.

"We can discuss this tomorrow while you are helping me in the kitchen.

"I said we can discuss it tomorrow, I have to go.

"I said tomorrow.

"I'm saying good-bye now. Don't take that tone with me.

"Good-bye.

"I really mean it - good-bye.

Paula hung up the phone feeling furious, frustrated, and fatigued. A mug decorated with monkeys awaited her, beside it a creamer and sugar bowl. She sighed. "Wait until your kids grow up to be teenagers. On the other hand you're probably lucky you don't have girls."

"Trust me, boys have their own package of torments," Peggy said.

"I mean, Jessica and Julia, they don't seem to know I have a life or feelings. They seem to think I exist solely for their benefit. For all they know, I could be dying and they'd only care -" Paula became pale. She squeezed her eyes shut.

"Paula? Paula, are you all right?"

Her eyes opened, rimmed with tears. Her lips twitched before she could announce, "they found a lump." Peggy reached out and rested her hand on Paula's. "The doctor found a lump. I am probably dying of cancer and all the kids care about is whether or not they can go out or buy clothes."

"Have you told your kids?"

"Of course not. I haven't told anybody - that is, until now."

"Is it cancer?" asked Peggy.

"I don't know."

"But you've seen a doctor?"

"Yes, yes I've seen the doctor."

"So, what did he tell you?"

"Well, he wanted me to go get a mammogram."

"And?"

"Well, I had an appointment early this morning at the Parkview Memorial Hospital. I went and they, you know, did what they do; and it's pretty painful. You know, I don't know why I'm telling you all this."

"Well, you can't stop now, Honey. I just rescued your ass from the Royale Bar, so now you owe me."

"You won't tell anybody, will you?"

"It would be unethical for me as a nurse, a breach of confidence; now tell me, damn it."

"They found something."

"What?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?" But Paula didn't respond to Peggy's question. Instead she cried uncontrollably. Peggy came alongside of Paula and went down on her knees, putting her arms around her. Paula returned the embrace and sobbed into Peggy's shoulder.

"I don't know. I went back to the doctor's office today," commenced Paula between sobs, "and he has already left for his Thanksgiving vacation. But the nurse, or receptionist, I don't know what she is, they all wear those white uniforms; anyway, the receptionist told me the results were abnormal." Paula choked on this last word.

"Honey - Paula - you're overreacting. It probably isn't anything serious."

"You don't understand," Paula replied, "my mother died of breast cancer."

"Oh Honey, you poor, poor dear," said Peggy, and hugged her tighter still.

"And - and, I've got to cook this big meal tomorrow and entertain my family, and my husband's family, and put on a happy face - and I might be dying! I asked, and she said only that Doctor Fetzer wanted to speak to me. She said - she said she was not permitted to interpret the results." Paula lifted her head and sat back in her seat. "Oh gosh, I'm sorry Peggy. I shouldn't burden you with this. I just don't know how I'm going to get through this weekend. I can't stand this not knowing."

"You know I'm a certified registered nurse," she repeated.

"Yes, I knew you were something like that."

"So, I'm telling you, you probably don't have anything to worry about." She rose, ungracefully, from her knees and fetched the coffeepot. Pouring more coffee into Paula's mug, she said, "it might only be a cystic mass. That's nothing. They'll ask you to go back to the hospital for an ultrasound."

"And if it's not?"

"If it's not, they will have a surgeon remove it. Then they'll check to see if it's benign or malignant."

Paula's right hand went to her left bosom. She held it tenderly and asked Paula, "are they going to remove my breast."

"No, no, no, nothing like that."

"I have to know. I can't go through this weekend having this thing hanging over my head." Meanwhile, Peggy had gone to the refrigerator and removed a platter that held most of a chocolate layer cake. She served Paula and herself. Paula didn't seem to take notice of the cake, but began eating it unconsciously. "I'm feeling nauseous."

"Honey, let me get you a little ginger ale. That'll help settle your stomach."

"Is it diet?"

"Yeah, that's all I got, diet, but I don't see why you're worried. What do you weigh? A hundred and twenty pounds?"

"One twelve."

"I'd be happy to see one forty again."

"Oh, but you have big bones."

"I thank you for that, Honey, but as a nurse I know better." Peggy brought back a glass with ice and poured ginger ale from a large plastic bottle. "Actually I'm trying. I've lost fourteen pounds, so far."

"Good for you. Do you have any aspirin?"

"Eat some more cake. It'll help."

"So, Peggy, where are your kids?"

"They're spending the holiday with my ex-husband."

"I see. So here you are, a few days off from work, have someone to take care of the kids, and I've screwed up your liberation."

"That's okay."

"Well, I think I have depended on your hospitality long enough. I'll be on my way." Paula stood, uneasily, and extended her hands. "You have my keys."

"You're not gonna drive, Hon, you only live a few houses down."

"I'm not going home, yet."

"You're not?"

"Nope. I'm going to Doctor Fetzer's office."

"You're what?"

"I'm going to break in and find my records. I have to know. I cannot face tomorrow without knowing."

Peggy rose and took Paula's shoulders in her hands, guiding her back to her chair. "Whoa sister, you're doing no such things."

"But I've got to know, damn it; I've got to know!"

Try as she may, Peggy could not talk Paula out of her course. "You know, you're better off trying to find your records at the hospital where they did the exam. It would be a lot easier to get in, especially a suburban hospital like Parkview, and I might be able to help."

"You would do this for me?"

Peggy gave Paula another cup of coffee, then went upstairs, to return dressed in her white nurse's uniform and carrying a clipboard. Peggy drove the Mercedes-Benz as Paula was still unsteady.

"Fetzer is a pompous ass," mumbled Peggy while they were en route.

"Oh, nonsense, my dear, I think Doctor Fetzer is an extraordinarily able physician."

"Then why did he leave you hanging like this?"

"The doctor is entitled to his vacation. He must be helping so many lives, it's selfish of me to expect him to give me special attention."

"You know, if more doctors would spend time with their patients, if they would be more personable and concerned for their patients' comfort, they wouldn't have so many clients running away to be treated by chiropractors, acupuncturist, and homeopaths. Those charlatans succeed because they know how to show an interests in their patients."

"Homeopath?"

"It's nothing. I'll tell you another time."

"Well, all I know is that when Doctor Herschel refused to give me Valium, I had no problem getting it from Doctor Fetzer. That's why I switched."

"I don't know Herschel, but he probably knew what he was doing. Fetzer's your typical money hungry suburban quack. I briefly worked with Fetzer, you know, and I can tell you, the guy is a conceited fool and a greedy man to boot. He'll give you what you want, whether you should have it or not, because he knows you'll go somewhere else for it. He's saying to himself, 'why shouldn't I make the money giving them what they want. They'd only go elsewhere.'"

"But he's a doctor! A doctor would never give you something that wasn't good for you."

"Paula, Paula, Paula. Doctors or no better than mechanics. Most of them can get the job done, but only a few are really good, and there are just as many who are jerks or thieves. Your Doctor Fetzer preys on middle-class housewives looking for a buzz or tranquilizers. If you have the money, he'll give you what you think will help you regain your youth and vitality, or loss weight."

"Well, Peggy, I'm sure you're very knowledgeable, but, after all, Doctor Fetzer is a doctor, while you are merely a nurse." Peggy did not respond. Paula felt herself sinking with shame for the remark.

When they paused for a red light, Peggy again spoke. "I was accepted to Tufts. I had every intention of becoming a doctor. I graduated valedictorian in high school and was always on the Dean's list in college."

"I'm sorry, Peggy, I was out of line; but what happened? Why didn't you become a doctor?"

"My parents were poor, they didn't really have the money. Then I met Bill. Fell in love. He was in construction and I found myself pregnant and keeping house." The light turned green. "The first time it was a miscarriage. So after that I went back to school and became a nurse. Between us we were making good money. When Bill's father died and Bill took over his Pop's roofing business, then the money became real good, so I came off the pill. Two kids later and it's over, he goes after a pretty little thing that he can feel smarter than. Again I don't have the money for school. Besides, the medical schools frown on someone my age."

"Oh, I'm so sorry."

"Sorry? Nothing I did wasn't my own choice, and I do not regret having the children."

"Oh, but it was shameful for Bill to leave you, and with two children."

"He didn't leave me, Hon. I kicked him out."

They arrived at the sprawling Parkview Memorial Hospital. "I'm glad I don't work here anymore," said Peggy.

"Did you work here?"

"Five years ago. That's how I know your Fetzer."

"If you don't work here, how will you get us in?"

"Here is what you and I are going to do," and she thrust the clipboard into Paula's hands. "It's all bluff. All you have to do is act as if you know what you're doing, then no one will stop you." Peggy drove past the Emergency Room entrance to a small parking lot.

"Are you sure this is going to work?" asked Paula.

"What do you care? You were prepared to break into a doctor's office. At least this way we walk right in, nothing to break."

They stepped from the car. "Leave your coat in the car," said Peggy.

"Why?"

"Less likely they'll think we're coming in from outside. We want to look like we belong there." They walked towards the Emergency Room entrance. "Paula," Peggy whispered out of the side of her mouth as they approach the sliding glass door, "it's not too late to back out."

"I have got to know."

"Okay. Just follow me and talk about your kids or husband. We've got to look natural, and if we're having a conversation, they'll ignore us. You keep your eyes on me and don't make eye contact with anyone else. No one will question us being here."

Before them the glass doors slid opened. Paula could think of nothing to say. "So, who is your daughter dating?" Peggy asked. Paula found her tongue. The passage through the Emergency Room was not graceful. Peggy tried to subtly lead the way, but Paula was a bit dizzy and distracted by her headache as she made small talk. They walked past a row of hard plastic seats, only a few were occupied with people waiting to be seen and treated. On the far side of the room there were a pair of doors marked "Authorized Personnel Only." Peggy casually hit the square panel on the wall and the doors automatically opened. They had entered a long, dull green hallway, deserted at that late hour.

"Well, that was easy enough," Paula remarked.

"It's only because this is a suburban hospital. It won't be long, a few years, and they'll have as much security as the hospitals downtown."

"Those people waiting out there, they didn't look particularly sick or hurt."

"That's why they're waiting, Hon."

"And the hospital wouldn't keep them waiting if it's serious, would they?"

"They shouldn't. A lot of them are here because they can't afford medical care. They postpone getting help for what ails them until they can't stand it no more, then they come here."

Peggy led Paula through the twisting, cavernous halls, mumbling to herself, "I'm pretty sure I remember where it is."

"Why is it so empty?" asked Paula.

"It's only empty down here. You saw staff in the E.R. There's probably a receptionist and guard in the front lobby and upstairs are the patients and those attending to them." But it was not entirely empty. The occasional nurse, or cleaning staff, passed them.

"It's down here - I recognize where I am." And now Paula led the way. They arrived to the door marked 'X-Ray'. They entered a small reception area facing a vacant counter. "They took me through there," and she pointed at another wide pair of doors. Again Peggy tapped the square plate and the doors sprang noisily open. They were both aware that it was the only noise occurring in that part of the hospital.

They moved quickly down the hall and stopped in front of a door marked 'Mammography'. "They've moved this office since I've last worked here," said Peggy, and she put her hand on the knob and found the office locked. She looked at Paula. Paula looked back. Paula tried the knob, but it wouldn't work for her, either.

"Shit!" Peggy exclaimed.

"Darn!" exclaimed Paula.

The two women saw disappointment in the other's face. First Paula began to laugh, then Peggy.

"Now what?" Paula asked.

"I don't know."

"Peggy, you've been a dear. I should have never involved you in this."

"Don't be silly, Hon, I wanted to help. Let's just think about this a bit."

"Over here we can sit down," suggested Paula, and she lead Peggy past an unmarked door to the next doorway in the wall, which was open. Inside was a small waiting lounge with couches and end tables. They each selected a different couch, still laughing.

Paula took a deep breath to gain control of herself and said, "I have got such a headache."

"It's probably what's left of the alcohol. You wanna break into the pharmacy for some aspirin?" And again they laughed.

Paula checked her watch. "Oh my, it's way past midnight. I really ought to get home. I wonder if the kids are missing me? I wonder if Charlie called?"

They sat quietly for a bit. Paula was the first to stand. She walked over and stood in the open doorway to the hall. Peggy watched Paula's body slump against the doorjamb. She spoke to Paula's back. "You still need to know."

"Yes," came Paula's voice, "I still need to know." Paula turned around, smiling sheepishly while tears were gathering in her eyes.

"I've seen them in the movies unlock doors with bobby pins," said Peggy, "but I don't know how it's done."

"In college my roommate could break into a dorm room using a credit card."

Peggy's eyes fixed on the ceiling. "Close the door," she instructed Paula. Paula closed the door to the hallway. Peggy lifted herself from the couch, still keeping her eyes fixed to the ceiling above the wall. The acoustical ceiling tile appeared to go across the top of the wall. "Can you lock that door?" she asked Paula. Paula pressed the brass button on the doorknob and heard it click lock. Peggy stood on an end table next to the wall closest Mammography. Reaching above her head, she was able to lift the ceiling tile. She turned to Paula. "This wall doesn't go all the way up."

"What?"

"You could climb across it."

"What?"

Peggy lifted the acoustical tile from its frame and lowered it into the lounge. She presented the long ceiling tile for Paula to examine. "Half this tile was stretched across the next room. It's a cinch," said Peggy. "All you have to do is get over this wall and you're in the office."

"I can't climb that wall."

"Well, Honey, don't expect me to climb it for you. You're the slender one who only weighs a hundred and twelve pounds. I could help you over, but there is no way a fatso like me can get over this wall."

"This is lunacy."

"Do you wanna know, or don't you."

"I want to know."

Paula removed her pumps and her jacket and climbed onto the square side table alongside Peggy. She grabbed the top of the wall and brought her hands away dirty. Peggy said, "you'll clean them later. This hospital is lousy with restrooms." She reached up, again, and as she pulled herself, she felt Peggy pushing her from underneath. It was dark above the suspended ceiling, but enough light escaped up the hole they created for her to see the ducts and pipes, the wires and cables. She found herself precariously balanced, straddling the wall that separated the lounge from the adjacent room. She lifted her leg over and let herself down through the other half of the hole. Her feet found support. She bent down and found herself standing on a desk. Peggy listened and heard Paula banging around in the next room.

"Are you all right, Hon?" Peggy asked.

"I'm fine, but it's pitch black in here. I can't find the light switch. Oh, Peggy, this is just a closet, or something."

"Shit!" exclaimed Peggy.

"What?"

"I broke the ceiling tile."

"Oh my God, now what will we do?"

"Don't worry about it. You'll probably have to climb the next wall, too. Just open the door and let me in." Peggy left the lounge and approached the unmarked door. Paula opened it. Peggy entered, finding the light switch with the encroaching hall light. On came the lights and Peggy closed the door behind her. "Fantastic!"

"Why, what is it?" asked Paula. Along one wall, the one Paula came down, was a long, white desk. The opposite wall was mounted with light boxes.

"This is the viewing room," she told Paula. "This is perfect. If you were here just this morning, your file might still be here." Peggy dropped into the room's sole seat by the desk. And while Paula bemoaned various injuries, torn pantyhose, bleeding scratches on her legs, dirt on her blouse, Peggy rifled through the papers on the desk. "When were you born?" she asked Paula.

"I beg your pardon?"

"You don't have to be coy with me. I need to know." Paula relinquished. "Then I think I found you," announced Peggy and held up an envelope addressed to Doctor Fetzer.

"You can't opened that," Paula said. "They'll know it's been tampered with if you break the seal."

"Hmmm, good point. But maybe there is an alternative." She looked at the ATAS, which to Paula seemed nothing more than a large telephone. Peggy put on the headset and chased Paula from the room. "You're making too much noise, go back to the lounge and wait for me there."

In the lounge, Paula saw the broken ceiling tile. Peggy had stepped on it coming down from the table. She saw that all the ceiling tiles were the same size. She removed another one by standing on another side table and the wood arm of a couch, and used it to fill the gap in the ceiling that Peggy had created. She took the broken tile and left in on the table and couch beneath the new hole. It would at least divert attention away from the true crime. She turned and found Peggy standing in the doorway beaming a smile. She said, "it's not cancer."

"Are you sure," Paula inquired.

"Paula, it's not cancer. It's a benign cyst."

Paula hugged her. "Thank you Peggy." She then sat down to collect herself, laughing a bit, and crying a bit. When she felt steady, she asked, "now, how are we going to get out of here?"

"That's easy, Hon, we just walk out, the same way we came in."

They drove back to where Peggy had parked her car at the Royale Bar, because Paula felt herself sufficiently sober. Paula walked around the Mercedes-Benz and lowered herself into the driver seat.

"Peggy," Paula called to her in a soft tone.

"Yeah, Hon?"

"I didn't realize how interesting you were."

"Hell, you don't know the half of it," she replied and laughed. "Actually, Hon, I'm not that interesting."

"But I've noticed you are knowledgeable about classical music."

"Oh, well, I love the stuff. I'm also big on English literature. You would have known that if I had shown you the living room. I've got books all over the place - but it's such a mess."

"Well, I would like to think we're friends, now."

"Sure, Hon."

"I'd like to have you over, soon."

"Just don't be insulted when I can't make it. A nurse is pretty busy."

Paula arrived home to find the driveway blocked by Freddie's car. As she pulled up behind it, to her surprise, her eldest daughter climbed out of the passenger side in an irritated and disheveled state.

"Julia! You were suppose to be at home before one o'clock," but she used a softer voice than usual.

It was Julia who was infuriated. "I was home," she insisted. "The driveway is part of the house, isn't it?" From that point the argument commenced.

Freddie obligingly stayed in his car, eager to escape the uncomfortable situation. Paula backed out of her driveway, allowing Freddie to escape, and then pulled her car into the garage. Julia was waiting for her in the kitchen, helping herself to a glass of milk. When Paula didn't stop, but walked straight through the kitchen, Julia gave her chase. Paula went upstairs to her bedroom with Julia at her heels listing her complaints of her parents' unfairness. In her bed, Paula found her youngest, Jessica, asleep with the telephone to her ear. Paula picked it up and heard silence on the line. She assumed Jessica's friend had fallen asleep on the other end. She replaced the receiver on its cradle and shook the resistant sleeper half-awake. Bracing her beneath each arm, she marched her youngest to the child's own bedroom with Julia in pursuit. Returning to her bedroom, the telephone rang. Paula said hello, but the other end disconnected. She concluded it must have been Jessica's friend rudely trying to call back at that inappropriately late hour.

Paula began to remove her torn pantyhose in the master bathroom and to examine the scratches on her legs. Deciding they were not serious, she disrobed. And through it all, Julia kept her company, wanting to know such things as why she couldn't stay out all night, or why she couldn't have Freddie come in when her parents weren't home. She spoke even louder to be heard while her mother was showering.

"I'm going to bed, now, dear," she told her daughter.

"You haven't heard I thing I said!"

"You haven't said anything I haven't heard before."

"You know, I'm just a prisoner here. You and Daddy won't let me lead my own life. You don't care anything for my happiness."

"Tomorrow, Julia, we will talk about it tomorrow while you are helping me prepare dinner. I want everything to be ready before the guests arrive." She gave Julia a gentle shove towards the door. Julia crossed her arms in protest, and then, as if responding to an insult, clamped her mouth shut and stomped from the room.

In bed, her eyes having grown accustomed to the streetlight seeping through the curtains, Paula looked at her room. She thought to herself how her husband and her children did not seem to appreciate that she had a life and thoughts apart from them, that she didn't exist solely as their mother or his wife. Still, she was fond of them, and she was so happy to be alive.

The following afternoon Peggy answered her front door to find Jessica, Paula's youngest, standing there with an expression of annoyance on her face. She had been made to do a chore. "Mom says I'm to invite you over for dinner."

"That's very nice of your Mom, but it's Thanksgiving and I'm not going to intrude on her family affair."

"Mom said I was to insist and to not come back without you."

"She did, did she?"

"Yeah. She says I should stay here with you if you don't come. I mean is that stupid, or what?"

"Sounds like a viable threat to me," said Peggy, and she grinned at the child. "Well, Honey, I guess we've got no choice, then. You come in, why don't you, and make yourself comfortable. I'll be right back. I'm just going upstairs to change into something nicer and then you can take me to your mother."