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The Concept of God



Years later, nothing inside the church
has changed. Not the dusty light,
not the white feet of the statues
or the boys in their pale smocks
kneeling before the candles.
Not the cool basement, the paper plates of donuts
set out by the coffee urns.
Not the bathroom with its stall doors open
on a row of immaculate toilets,
blue water in the bowls,
a small wrapped soap on each sink.
Forever the two girls leaning against the wall
in the deep quiet, sharing a lipsticked Salem
and watching themselves in the mirror,
forever the priest nodding in the confessional,
closing and opening and closing his small window.
Always my father moving down the rows
of bored, sonorous voices, passing the long-handled basket,
my mother with his handkerchief pinned over her hair.
Always, too, his coffin before the altar, my brother
stammering a eulogy, the long line of parked cars
spattered with snow. Always this brief moment
when the candles shudder, then resume,
and the girl holding the cigarette peers more closely
into the mirror, startled for an instant
at how old, how much like a woman
it makes her look.
 
© Kim Addonizio